Monster

The secret side of me I never let you see / I keep it caged, but I can't control it / So, stay away from me, the beast is ugly / I feel the rage and I just can't hold it. --Monster by Skillet

Sin nature. It looms deep within the dark and hidden chasms of each of us, causing us to do things we will later regret, say things we really don't mean, and in the long run, hurt others and embarrass ourselves. We all have an "ugly side" to us. The one, as the song lyrics state, that we rarely let others see. The side that we try to control and keep locked away. Unfortunately, due to a lack of self-control, self-discipline, or sometimes just a flat-out lack of common sense, this monster gets released and proceeds to wreak havoc on our lives and the lives of those around us. I was faced with a scenario much like this over the past week. Somehow some part of me with the "selfishness" key slipped in and unlocked the cage of the temper monster. While I have a lot of little pet monsters, the ones you might see in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, furry little guys with great big eyes and rather small fangs (such as the worry monster), the temper monster is the horror-film ready creature that is worthy of the steel-barred cage. It is by far one of my strongest monsters and, therefore, the most difficult to subdue once it is out on rampage. After an extremely strenuous struggle with this monster I was able, with some help from God, to throw it back into its cage and lock the door. Unfortunately, during the struggle some damage was done. I not only embarrassed myself, but I hurt the feelings of others. Through this experience God really showed me how much control my monster has over my life. I was utterly ashamed at the way I had reacted, and wondered if I could ever forgive myself for allowing myself to get so out of control. It was as if I was not even me anymore. I was reminded of the passage in Romans where Paul states, "I do not understand what I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it" Romans 7:15-20 NIV.

The Skillet song continues: It's scratching on the walls / In the closet, in the halls / It comes awake and I can't control it/ Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head / Why won't somebody come and save me from this? / Make it end / I feel it deep within, / It's just beneath the skin / I must confess that I feel like a monster / I hate what I've become / The nightmare's just begun / I must confess that I feel like a monster/ I feel like a monster

Thankfully, as I was pouting around the pit of feeling like I could never forgive myself for this terrible side of me, God opened my eyes to two very significant truths:

1.) If it seems impossible to change myself, it is. However it is not impossible for me to change. But, it is not me that does the work, it is God and His almighty power coupled with my willing heart and spirit.

2.) Although change seems so hopeless and far away, it's not. I read a quote on a friend's Facebook page which read, "A part of God's plan is bringing you to a point of desperation where you get so sick of yourself and your inability to change that you throw up your hands in surrender. When this happens, you are closer than you think to knowing the joy of the Spirit-filled life." Charles Stanley

Thankfully, through all this embarrassment, shame, and self-disgust, God has shown me that it is through the times when our ugly side is revealed that He sparks in us the desire for change and the hatred of our sin-nature "monster". The next time your monster, or my monster, escapes let's pray that God will beat it down to size and help us to take it on and ultimately defeat it! God is the ultimate monster slayer.

Every Day

I awoke this morning to a migraine, the third one in six days. Irritated, I skipped my first class, rolled over, and went back to sleep. What a way to start off the day. However, even in the midst of my misery, God wanted to show me that He was still in control. Later on in the day, after I was functional again, I made some time to make up for the quiet time I had missed earlier in the day. I found a nice comfy piece of floor in the basement of the Classroom Building, pulled out my Bible and read a chapter in 1 Thessalonians. It is part of my daily quiet time ritual, after reading scripture, to journal my prayers. As I was writing and praying to God, He led me to a very interesting revelation. He brought to mind one of the verses I had discussed in my Valentine's Day blog, Psalm 139: 16b states, "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." This made me think that from the beginning of time, actually, since before creation, God knew that I would be sick today, February 16, 2010. And you know what? For some reason, He allowed it. Knowing that brought me a sense of peace for my day. Although I had missed my first class, I was not behind on where I needed to be in the day. I was right where God wanted me (for some unknown reason) to be. I learned that even when events take me by surprise and pop up unexpectedly God is still in control and He is never surprised. This life lesson from God helped to bring an overwhelming sense of peace and purpose to my day. I was living right in the moment where God wanted me and right where He needed me. This revelation has encouraged me to live my life more purposefully instead of just falling into the groove of the mundane everyday. For some reason, and for some purpose, each day God has me right where He wants me to be. In my current Bible Study, Living Above Worry and Stress by Thelma Wells, a lady quotes, "Live life on purpose." And after today, that is just what I plan to do!

Valentine's Day

"A woman's best makeup is her smile." I found the quote on a friend's Facebook page and it has stuck in my mind as an very important truth. With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I understand that there are a lot of single women who are questioning their relationship status, and maybe wondering if they just aren't pretty enough to "get a guy". While I am by no means a relationship counselor, and I'm not very good at giving relationship advice, there is one subject that God has given me a passion for: The truth that God has designed each and everyone of us perfectly, and He loves us just for who we are. Relationships are one life scenario where girls often feel the need to get "made up" in order to impress their date or the boy they have their eyes set on. But God is not like that. He sees every detail of your face, your skin, your hair, everything, and He loves you. He doesn't care if you're a size 2 or a size 32. He never comments that you are too short or too tall, too boxy or too curvy. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139:14 In this verse the psalmist is praising God for His wonderful workmanship on a very personal subject, the psalmist's own body. Contrary to what we often believe, our bodies are another one of God's creations~a project that He has made just the way He wanted it. However, we often don't think of our bodies as one of God's miraculous creations. We stand in awe of the mountains, look with wonder at canyons, rejoice in the beauty of bird on a fence post, gaze in praise at the vastness of the oceans and plains, but we don't often take time to complement God on the wonderful job He has done in creating our bodies in way that makes us so much more than beautiful in God's eyes. I think that the band 3 Cord Wonder has done one of the best jobs at putting this idea into words in their song "Made Perfect". In the song, God is talking to a young woman who is upset with the way she looks, and is describing how He made her perfect. The lyrics to the first verse and chorus read:

The girl you see in the mirror

isn't who I see,

When I look at you

I see reflections of Me,

You don't like your face

so you paint over My masterpiece,

You hide your face

so you hide My face

and fail to believe:

That I made you

the way that you would be most beautiful,

And I planned you

way before the universe was born,

When you try to change yourself

it only makes Me cry,

I don't know why

you try to make better

what I made perfect.

This song is always really touching to me because it brings to light the embarrassing fact that, when we stand in front of the mirror and look in disgust at our bodies, we are not criticizing ourselves, or our parents who gave us the gene for that big nose or that tiny mouth, we are criticizing God, and second-guessing the fact that we are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. The psalmist says in Psalm 139:15-16, "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." The idea of being woven together implies that we were not just a combination of God's spare parts in the baby factory. We were painstakingly put together in just the pefect way by God's own hands. And so, I want to encourage everyone this Valentine's Day to take a look at yourself in the mirror and, instead of cringing at that nose, shrinking from that mole, imagining that blonde hair as brown, or those brown eyes as green, take some time to praise God for just how beautiful He has made you. Afterall, God knew just how to make us the most beautiful. As a friend once told me, Jesus thinks you're drop dead gorgeous.

**If you are interested in hearing all of the 3CW song, I have posted a link to it under the "Encouraging Links" section of the blog.**

In Everything, A Purpose

It was Saturday night. I sat down in my recliner, propped up my feet, and snuggled in to start a novel for a class. Tea by my side, I burrowed underneath my plaid snuggie and cuddled up close to my oversized stuffed frog. All things considered, I should have felt relaxed and peaceful. However, while I was reading, I couldn't help but feel lonely. My roommate was puppy-sitting for a friend and wouldn't be home until late. My family was having fun attending a wedding back home. My fiance was spending time with friends in the town where he attends college. I had been working on homework, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, this flood of lonliness washed over me, and I remember thinking to myself, I need a cat. I felt the desire to have something that was always there, something that would cuddle and bring me comfort when I felt alone, something that wouldn't go away just when I made a stupid mistake. Since I am renting a house with a strict no-pet-policy, this new companion was out of the question. It was then that I asked the infamous question, "Why, God?" Why did you put me here without my family and my fiance? Why are you allowing me to go through a season like this? I don't like the way it feels. As the questions came, so did something I wasn't expecting. Peace, an answer. As I paused my complaining to think about what God could be doing, the answer was crystal clear...growing. I realized that God was using this time of lonliness to draw me closer to Him. When I literally had no one there for me, God was there, and He had never moved. By allowing me to feel completely alone, God helped me to realize that He is always with me. My parents and fiance all have to hang up the phone, log off of Skype, and stop sending emails at some point. God never has to leave. I realized that God is using this time, the time when I am away from those who are most important to me, to develop an intimate God and Dani relationship, to teach me to lean on His love, to fall into His arms, and to acknowledge His eternal presence. I am reminded of Joshua 1:19 where God promises, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go" (NKJV). Have you ever, or are you lately, feeling confused as to why God has allowed you to end up where you are? I would encourage you to pause, and to pray, and to make a conscious effort to look for ways (maybe make a list) that God is showing you His presence and drawing you to Himself through these circumstances. After all, God says in Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (NKJV). No matter what I, you, we are going through at this very moment, God has it all under control, and He is doing it for a reason. So, what did God allow me to learn this week? In everything, a purpose.

Blessings in Disguise-The Migraine

Today started out beautifully. I woke up on time (a first for the week) and had time to eat breakfast, call my fiance, AND do my quiet time before rushing out the door to school. I admit was stressed about all the work that had to be accomplished today, but I was trying to take things one day and one step at a time. I made a conscious effort to listen to uplifting songs on my iPod and take note of all the good things that God had placed in the day that He had made. I walked for a while without my headphones and just listened to the birds twitter in trees. I enjoyed the clean, fresh, smell of Laramie and couldn't help but think that it was starting to smell a bit like Spring. I was walking to class in a very cheery and upbeat mood when I noticed that my vision was going away...the red flag that a migraine was on its way. I rushed to one of the school's many coffee shops and purchased a double-shot latte and swallowed a dose of ibuprofen. Having taken these preventative measures I felt certain that my headache would be almost non-existent (except for the inability to see). I was wrong. My head began to pound and my stomach began to churn. I finished up with class and cautiously went home. There, the brunt of the attack hit with a sharp, pounding headache, and a trip to the bathroom where I was given the opportunity to see my latte and breakfast again. I was very upset that this had happened on a day that I had so much to do. However, God had something up His sleeve for me. I emailed the professor of my night class and asked if this scenario counted as an "excused absence". Surprisingly, she said yes. At first I felt guilty about not going to class (I hate missing school), but after some encouraging words from my mom, my fiance, and my friends, I realized that this was an opportunity straight from God. He was giving me an "excused" chance to relax and allow my body to recuperate. He was preparing a way for me to get rested up and take a breather. My stress instantly melted away when I was able to see a very tangible way in which God was working for my best interests. It was so much a God thing because, during my quiet time this morning I had read Romans 8:28 which says that, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (NKJV) God used something that I deemed terrible for good and as part of His plan to bless me with a gift today! God's love is amazing!

Genesis of the Blog

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Genesis 1:1 We all know how God, being the all powerful being that He is, spoke the world into being in 6 literal days. Well, I am not nearly as powerful as God, and it has taken me a little bit to get this blog up and running, but I would like to think of today as the "Genesis" of my blog. I know that God saw all that He had made and called it "good". I am looking at my nice little template right now and I think I can safely call it good. Hopefully, that adjective will continue to describe my posts. In this blog, The Hand of God: God's Presence in Everyday Life, I hope to blog about all the different ways that I see God moving, whether it be through an encouraging song that I heard on the radio at just the right time, a Facebook post from a friend who said just the right thing, the birds singing in the trees when I was feeling depressed, or an interesting revelation from my morning quiet times. I hope that through this blog I will be able to encourage those around me to look for God's hand, and His presence, in every aspect of their everyday life. I pray that maybe this blog will be used by God in a way that can encourage others just as others, and the Lord, have encouraged me.